“Hate to be Lonely” to “Love to be Alone”

So my story began when I was born, I was the only child and my family just has 3 members, one obviously being me. When I was thrown into the traditional schooling system it didn’t work well with me. I had friends it’s not like since the beginning I was lonely.

From 1st grade I never actually had any friends, I had a partner to sit with but that’s because of the seating system. It didn’t matter to me back then because I was just too young to realize it. I was happy in my own imaginary worlds, my parents adored me and I loved watching TV. When I think back I was sorted. People just thought I was quiet or too shy like kids are usually but they were wrong very wrong. I had this doll “sweety” and she used to be my friend and it was great because she could only listen to me. For a moment I used to forget that she was a non-living thing and I used to forget that I had 0 friends.

But my story obviously did not end there. I had to shift to a new city when I was in 4th grade. There too I became an isolate I had a group of friends then that group left me. I made one friend on the bus and pun intended she threw me under that very bus. Then there were the bullies. 

I hated being left out by everyone when they found no one “cooler” than me they would hang out with me, but the rest of the days it was as if people could see right through me. I became insecure and scared by my loneliness so much so that whenever people laughed around me I thought it was directed towards me. I took every comment and every remark people made on me, to the heart. 

But now almost 10 years later, I have embraced the feeling of being alone. I have learned the difference between being lonely and being alone. I have friends and great ones. My best friend is practically my soulmate but still, a part of doesn’t mind the quiet associated with being alone. Maybe that’s why I can let people be when they want to be alone. I understand the concept of space. 

Some people want less space and more interaction and some demand a lot of space to deal with their inner chaos.

Some people like losing themselves in the outward chaos while some people like finding peace from the internal conflicts.

So, this is how I went from hating loneliness to loving alone time.